Fading Emotions

There is an unending relationship between our thoughts and our actions in life. However, mostly you will find contradictions. The uncomfortable sensation when you cannot get the feel while asking some ones well being.  If you are a happy go lucky guy or prince charming of a blonde, don’t read further. Chao. For others, the emotional warmth doesn’t come out easily when you have to hug someone or to say “OH! What happened???” The grip of uneasiness when connecting with someone emotionally. There is a moment in life when someone says to you that you are cold at heart. The restless feeling and the awkwardness of expressing emotions. When you ask the question do I have any feeling? Or am I born this way? You might also think that emotions are for wimp. It belongs to some other world where hideous people have and try to show it to others. The eternal saga of battle between expressing emotions against the untiring and emotionally exhausting world. I say emotionally exhausting because the work you have to do in order to bring out the ‘feel’ of that emotion. The incessant job to assert your emotions on your face and in your words, your mind just goes into hibernation at night to save itself from this task. The task which is like trying to fix a TV by banging on it with your hand, you just don’t know how to fix it but you still try and fortunately most often, it works.

It’s not, that you don’t have emotions at all; it’s just, that you don’t have it for most people and if you have, expressing it or even knowing, where it is kept inside you, is difficult. You might have seen films like Weather Man or 100 Girls, the narration which goes on in those films, if your life would also be like a voice-over where you don’t need to give arguments and explanations by yourself, where your mind narrates everything. The ‘Dexter’ TV series (it doesn’t matter which Dexter comes in your mind, both serve my purpose), where the main character is trying to find a place in this world of emotions, living a secret life, following a passion, (wonder why both characters have an intimidating sister?) and the difficulty in connecting with the normal world.

But there is one person with whom u feel something, a  friend with whom you connect, no more exhausting the time is, u don’t have to show exaggerated emotions and you both understand each other. It doesn’t matter whether ‘Lila’, ‘Miguel’, ‘Mandark’ or a person equally broken as you are. But nothing fruitful happens as said by a great scientist, like poles can never be set together. The clash of un-emotional ego and passion of misery leaves a black spot on your ‘Self’. It’s like jerking an ink pen when the ink stops flowing and suddenly you realize, in rage the aim went wrong leaving ink blots on your paper. If just, you would have remained a little calm, you wouldn’t have spoiled a beautiful story.    

In the end, one thing is for sure, if you observe, no one is emotion less, not even you, no matter how broke you are. Right now you are just pathetic, you have emotions filled with rage, anxiety, hollowness, sometime feeling angry or mostly distant from everyone. You just need to get your life back. Instead of explaining and arguing with people, rationalize it to yourself. We all try to look and observe the world but try observing and analyzing what’s in your heart, understand your bitterness, your anger, your desperation. The night might be too long, the world might be too ugly but it’s your will which will guide you to dawn.

GOing to WATCH – SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION.

 Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.