A Void

What we do in life echoes in eternity. - Maximus

Does your mind starts boggling when you hear people talk about spirituality. Muslims going to the mosque standing together, bowing down, chanting while rolling beads in their hands; Christians preparing for their Sunday mass; Hindus standing humbly with hands clasped closely to their chest in utmost attention, all seeking God’s blessing. Why people are so attached with the concept of heaven and hell? People meditating calmly and quietly, it feels like they have finally reached nirvana. Do you really understand spirituality, soul and the need to seek blessing. What exactly a person is looking for? What is the core idea of customs, cultures, rituals and religions?

Why on a Saturday night we want to forget about the exhausting week and just drown ourselves in a mode of laughter and happiness. Even the hardship you have done during the week is for what reason? Why we want to sleep so deep by the time we wake up, it should feel like ages have gone by. Why do we plan a trip to a hill station, to party on a beach, or even a walk on a lonely road? In my last article I discussed about emotions, however if you observe closely, what void are we trying to fill? What is that one thing which all our energy and emotions are trying to achieve? Subconsciously or by determination, why we do what we do?

Meditation is like the relativity equation e=mc^2, you know there is something extraordinary but going into the depth and deciphering it, is like solving Da Vinci’s code. Peace is like a shining star in a dark night, where it sparkles alone, elucidating the atmosphere. You cannot really catch that star or look into its deep mysticism but you can’t stay away from acknowledging the beauty and the aura it creates in your mind.

How do we differentiate things which give us temporary high rather than an effect which is eternally soothing? Looking far away from zenith, beyond perception, a state where you will be in bliss and not just happiness. Or happiness itself is just a perception. An internal craving: A motivator in living a life, a driving force for all our actions. Don’t we all are doing a jihad to find that hope, a place, a moment, a state of intoxication and ecstasy, just being captivated in delight.

What we do? Watch a movie, a game of football, a trip to Bangkok, an evening in a disc? But all this energy and emotions thriving to feed an internal craving creates only a mode of temporary exultation. Some are happy in the things they do while others do things to be happy.

Even a God fearing person lying with his head down, tears rolling down from the corner of his closed eyes, praying for that Promised land which is a bliss, an eternal salvation, trying to achieve nirvana. In need of sympathy for all the tribulation he has been through in this life, the loss of a loved one, all the pain and misery. Giving charity to a person who in his perception is less pathetic than he is. Awaiting to be in the Promised Land, a hope to hang on. A gift for all the ‘good’ works that he did; ‘bliss’- reciprocation for all his suffering in this world. People take one of these interpretations according to how they have spent their lives. 

 A ‘serial killer’ who is in search for his next victim with an unfulfilled passion, a desire to be fulfilled. The thirst for an ecstasy, devotion in performing an art. Keeping a part of the art; a collection of trophy, a living memoir. Bringing a meaning to his life or trying to live this life. The bizarre yearning and an uncommon motivation to achieve something with his existence. Is it a deep call from heart, a psychological satisfaction or it’s just another way to quench thirst in someone else’s suffering like a black humor?

The problem might not lie in this world but the methods to achieve that feeling of completeness. The result can be disastrous when your mind and your ego try to fill a void. 

Fading Emotions

There is an unending relationship between our thoughts and our actions in life. However, mostly you will find contradictions. The uncomfortable sensation when you cannot get the feel while asking some ones well being.  If you are a happy go lucky guy or prince charming of a blonde, don’t read further. Chao. For others, the emotional warmth doesn’t come out easily when you have to hug someone or to say “OH! What happened???” The grip of uneasiness when connecting with someone emotionally. There is a moment in life when someone says to you that you are cold at heart. The restless feeling and the awkwardness of expressing emotions. When you ask the question do I have any feeling? Or am I born this way? You might also think that emotions are for wimp. It belongs to some other world where hideous people have and try to show it to others. The eternal saga of battle between expressing emotions against the untiring and emotionally exhausting world. I say emotionally exhausting because the work you have to do in order to bring out the ‘feel’ of that emotion. The incessant job to assert your emotions on your face and in your words, your mind just goes into hibernation at night to save itself from this task. The task which is like trying to fix a TV by banging on it with your hand, you just don’t know how to fix it but you still try and fortunately most often, it works.

It’s not, that you don’t have emotions at all; it’s just, that you don’t have it for most people and if you have, expressing it or even knowing, where it is kept inside you, is difficult. You might have seen films like Weather Man or 100 Girls, the narration which goes on in those films, if your life would also be like a voice-over where you don’t need to give arguments and explanations by yourself, where your mind narrates everything. The ‘Dexter’ TV series (it doesn’t matter which Dexter comes in your mind, both serve my purpose), where the main character is trying to find a place in this world of emotions, living a secret life, following a passion, (wonder why both characters have an intimidating sister?) and the difficulty in connecting with the normal world.

But there is one person with whom u feel something, a  friend with whom you connect, no more exhausting the time is, u don’t have to show exaggerated emotions and you both understand each other. It doesn’t matter whether ‘Lila’, ‘Miguel’, ‘Mandark’ or a person equally broken as you are. But nothing fruitful happens as said by a great scientist, like poles can never be set together. The clash of un-emotional ego and passion of misery leaves a black spot on your ‘Self’. It’s like jerking an ink pen when the ink stops flowing and suddenly you realize, in rage the aim went wrong leaving ink blots on your paper. If just, you would have remained a little calm, you wouldn’t have spoiled a beautiful story.    

In the end, one thing is for sure, if you observe, no one is emotion less, not even you, no matter how broke you are. Right now you are just pathetic, you have emotions filled with rage, anxiety, hollowness, sometime feeling angry or mostly distant from everyone. You just need to get your life back. Instead of explaining and arguing with people, rationalize it to yourself. We all try to look and observe the world but try observing and analyzing what’s in your heart, understand your bitterness, your anger, your desperation. The night might be too long, the world might be too ugly but it’s your will which will guide you to dawn.

GOing to WATCH – SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION.

 Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.