Imagine an ant quickly moving around, looking for something, trying to find a path, alone in the huge world. What this world is to an ant?
How would you feel in the middle of an ocean where you couldn’t see anything except black silent water, miles and miles around you? Nothing to follow under the gloomy blue sky, just the bright full moon, shinning, glowing like a young lady sitting on a bench under a lamp post. Yes! What else would you hold on to at that time? In a starless night, just a hope shining, a companion in your loneliness. But you gulp your anxiety when that hope gets lost behind the clouds. Your complete life is filled with emptiness and your heart bursts like a balloon.
You try to think that it is hiding somewhere behind those dark clouds. No thunder and lightning to take your mind away, just the silence of the sea. No waves and no wind, just you trying to float, trying not to gulp the water, struggling to keep your breath, fighting with the force of darkness around and below, which is trying to push you deeper and deeper. What will you feel when your hope is not there to keep you comforting? Lost. Fighting with the mind to believe it still exist, it’s still there somewhere behind those clouds and a moment will come when it will uplift your soul by embracing you in its grace and charm, to give that power in your mind to hold on, just to keep floating, swimming endlessly towards that apparent hope.
But somewhere in your mind there is a thought that the hope is lost, forever, and it won’t come back.
Serenity in the solidarity is getting blown away.
What are you waiting for? A miracle to save you! A hope which is fighting for existence in your mind? You start to loose consciousness, your mind starts sleeping, body aching. Your belief starts losing its grip and legs go numb. The faith which kept you alive all this while is going to be drowned.
Just then you wake up and find yourself crawling on a hill, surrounded by fire, sweat dripping down from the forehead, fingers bleeding and knees bruised. You desperately try to get the heavy air in your tired lungs, your body slowing down, unable to lift your wasted legs, gasping for that one last breath that can save your life. You look towards the tip of that hill, bright light piercing your eyes. Trying to figure out what it is, when an apparent ray of hope channeling through your veins against the obtuse reality, fights to capture your bewildered thoughts. Tormented with bizarre illusions, you desperately try to adjust your vision.
Nothing is holding you right now beside that ray of hope; you feel like someone is trying to pull you out with a rope from deep dark dungeons of misery. Unaware of darkness going to engulf, you realize that hope is descending slowly. It feels like years have gone by trying to crawl on that hill of unbearable thorns. Suddenly that hope hides behind the hill, and you give that last push to the body not to loose that hope, that ray, that rope which tries to keep your life hanging from the cliff. That hope in your mind is losing it’s foundation. Just like a tail of a lizard desperately wiggles when it is slashed from it’s body, you also try to bring all the energy left, in your trembling hands, so that you can reach that ray of hope: a light; a glow for your soul; a healer which will make your pain go away. A battle going on in your mind; a clash of thoughts; whether the hope is there or not. It is that moment when nothing ‘exists’ in your mind with something.
Your life depends on that battle, the clash between nothing and something, a battle which keeps you going, which still keeps you on your edge, fighting for the last breadth with your collapsing lungs and crumbling legs, like a butterfly whose wings are crushed and soul bruised but precariously striving to find a flower in the deserted and ruined garden, just a hope to find even a single flower alive in the dying closure of desire. All you have right now is a hope of infinite ways which can go in your favor.
What will be the result? Who knows. Nothing in your mind bearing and yielding the evolution of all your hopes and giving birth to infinite possibilities. Fight between no possibility and a hope of many ways that can go in your favor. If that ‘no possibility’ wouldn’t be there then what would you do with all the hopes? Without failure in life what is the worth of many successes? Will life be worth living?
Your life is held on zero.
